Nicholas Vargo

What’s in a memory? I’m not sure I have an answer. But whatever it is finds its way to consume me whole when the moment arises. I have thousands of memories tucked away in my head. Are they pieces of treasure I hoard to refresh myself of what happiness feels like, or are they my ball and chain, constant reminders that the past can’t be forgotten. I’d say they’re both. My head feels like it is filled with positive and negative memories fighting for the front of my mind, but it is hard to distinguish which is which. 

I like to think I have a good memory. I remember in vivid color moments of my childhood stretching all the way into the current day. I remember sitting in the pack-n-play watching SpongeBob with my parents. I remember filming spoof videos on my iPod touch with my siblings. I remember crying outside at my junior prom. I remember the exhaustion and heat while rowing down a creek. I remember waking up one easter morning and finding tickets for the Meet the Robinsons 3D movie stuffed in our easter egg hunting baskets at the top of the stairs. Part of me is scared I’ll lose the memory of these moments but putting them into writing is one way to bring them into reality, and not just in my head.

Music plays a role in flooding the memories in my mind. I can be washing dishes at the kitchen sink listening to music, but then a song I had long forgotten starts to play and suddenly in my mind I’m looking down at a younger love-smitten version of myself. Or I hear whispers of a language foreign to me, yet the sounds of the vowels and syllables are enough to bring me back. I try to avoid these nagging bookmarks of my life, skipping the song or blocking out the voices. But one way or another, the memory finds a way to resurface. There is a fine line between acknowledging the past and getting stuck in it. Acknowledge a memory for too long and you’ll find half of your body is sunk below the surface already.

While writing this, I’m in the process of moving out of my apartment, a shock that still has not hit me yet. I’m packing away items I barely even knew I brought with me, or rediscovering items I wished to hide from myself. There is memory and love in all these trinkets and gadgets. But to an outsider, they’re just a waste. I suppose have more than enough sentimental bones in my body. I find it hard not to see value in something that has the power to bring back the past. These objects are all keys to the time-machine in my head. All I have to do is turn the key.

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Some media I wanted to share 🙂

Movies: Barbie – okay loved the movie i just wanted it to commit a bit more to the emotional bits. because when they start coming they are good, and you want the scene and bit to stay for a bit, but then it is rushed off too fast. but very fun movie, good time. need to rewatch it

Music: Like the Sun – Tanukichan